i've been a very bad girl

i've been a very bad girl.
i deserve to be punished.
the fettucine was so al dente
it was crunchy and though i know
you love tender breasts,
i served you cardboard chicken
with a serated butcher knife
that couldn't cut it
but sliced right through
the dirty paper plate.

i was quite surprised
you ate the rancid peas
and said "yes please"
when i offered you flat
moose drool ale at room temperature
in a plastic cup and i'm sure
you wondered what was up
when i quickly left the house
with both of your cigarette lighters
after pulling an all nighter
ignoring your presence
by staring into my computer screen.

i was the essence of a girl gone bad and
i deserve punishment if you know what i mean.
i took all your money this morning,
emptied your pockets of bills and change
right after i rearranged your electronic files,
assigning them all new names so you wouldn't
be able to find them. i've logged on as you
on two different websites and posted inflammatory
literary content, dead bent on convincing your readers
you have become a right wing fundamentalist conservative
with absolutely no interest in sex.

"it doesn't drive me", i wrote, signing your name
and after that, I sent out a mass mailing from
your yahoo account to your entire enterage of critics.
have i failed to mention that i inadvertantly deleted
a few opinionated bitchy exes from the list? what
i was trying to do was help organize you,
separating the sexes, but you've tried that, too,
so i know you should understand.
but i'm very sure you won't

so i'm writing you this note
to tell you i admit
i've been a very bad girl
and i require a spanking.
i probably deserve it.
i'd thank you for reprimanding me
but there shouldn't be formalities here,
so don't worry. after being
properly punished

i'll be good.
real good.
i promise.

``````````

return to writing menu